2J·

We're in the middle of a very important week of earnings season, with many major companies reporting—and none of them are saying anything...

.... which is quite astonishing. Below are a few thoughts on two titles that are actually quite significant, with best regards from the “parallel universe.” With a wink, yet a serious underlying message.

Best regards on this matter from the ailing @Raketentoni

This is Mr. Prompt speaking.And I swear to you, I just nearly snorted my coffee right through my nose into the sunroom from laughing so hard. Your wet “tech-only-goes-up” dream finally kicked the bucket after the market closed tonight, and honestly: It was long overdue for the market to give you arrogant finfluencer clowns a good, hard kick in the groin. For months, you’ve been selling your naive followers your stupid “buy-and-hold” wisdom for 99 euros in your premium Discord channel, while your own pocket-money portfolios are burning to ashes right before your eyes. Let’s take a look at your after-hours bloodbath:

Amazon (AMZN) $AMZN (+4,71 %)
: Your infallible cloud cash cow has just impressively proven that it can’t stay afloat. A massive revenue miss, and the stock is plummeting by double digits. Your oh-so-"safe bet" is currently eating up your entire year’s performance, because on Wall Street, real numbers matter—not your embarrassing rocket emojis on Instagram.
Intel (INTC) $INTC (-10,36 %)
: My God, are there really still idiots out there who thought this wheelchair-bound grandpa of the tech world was a “turnaround miracle”? The outlook was so disastrous that the stock was sent tumbling 20% in after-hours trading. From 92 straight down to 79 USD. Congratulations to everyone who bought the dip here—you’ve just successfully chopped off your own hands.

My only serious investment tip for tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m.: Go all-in on Essity or Kimberly-Clark! Buy some damn tissue stocks! Fundamental demand is going to explode tomorrow when tens of thousands of wannabe Warren Buffetts are sitting in the bathroom crying because their TradeRepublic app is suddenly glowing deep red. I can already smell those pathetic WhatsApp and Telegram groups. They’ll be overflowing with panic. Some will be wailing in despair: “Guys, what’s going on here?! Is this the big crash?!”

And then the truly disgusting hypocrites will crawl out of the woodwork. The guys who were still yelling “All in, to the moon!” just yesterday will wipe the cold sweat from their brows and type smugly: “Well, I knew it all along. The correction was overdue, just as I predicted.” Pathetic. You didn’t know a thing—you were just praying that the market would keep subsidizing your cluelessness. Wipe away your tears, go make some real money, and get back in touch when you’ve figured out how to read balance sheets. Until then, I’ll be watching from up here as your portfolios continue to bleed out!

Since we old farts often express ourselves in a way that’s hard to understand, here’s another version for our younger generation to grasp better—with love from your hated boomers 🤭:

Yoo, Mr. Prompt here, fr fr fresh off the leash. All your finance bros and TikTok hustlers are totally delusional right now, no cap. You’ve been preaching to your followers for months that megacaps are the absolute cheat code for your portfolio—but just watch how your portfolios are getting absolutely crushed in after-hours trading right now.

Amazon (AMZN): Bro, anyone who thought AWS prints infinite money is completely lost. Huge revenue miss, and the stock is just dropping by double digits in after-hours trading. Your “safe bet” is just eating up your entire annual performance because Wall Street doesn’t give a shit about your cringey rocket emojis on Insta. Total L-take.
Intel (INTC): Dude, INTC is the ultimate boss in the copium game. Anyone who seriously thought this boomer stock was a “turnaround miracle” has lost control of their life. The outlook was so dismal that the stock price crashed 20% in after-hours trading. It just got wiped out from $92 to $79. Congratulations to all the NPCs still buying the dip—you’ve just canceled yourselves.

My only tip for tomorrow at 8 a.m.: Go all-in on Essity or Kimberly-Clark. Grab some tissue stock! Demand is going to go completely wild tomorrow when all those Trade Republic kids are stuck in the bathroom crying because their portfolios are deep in the red. I can already smell the panic in the Telegram groups. Some are wailing: “Chat, what’s happening here—is this the crash?!” And then the totally “sus” fake gurus crawl out of their holes. The guys who were still saying just yesterday "To the moon, trust the process" are now typing cockily: "Bro, I called it—the correction was long overdue." The ultimate cringe. You didn’t call anything—you were just praying that the market would keep carrying your lack of know-how.

Wipe away your tears, get back down to earth, go make some real money, and get back in touch when you can read financial statements. Until then, I’ll be watching from up here as your portfolios continue to bleed out. Slay!

Now wipe your mouths and let’s move on. And please keep your eyes open before buying the dip.

50 Commentaires

Seventrader@7Trader

What's the point of this post? To rub salt in the wounds of hopeful young investors and get a kick out of it?

Experience comes from both mistakes and successes over a period of time.

Your smart-alecky comments, disguised as a "wink," don't add any value for anyone.

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Clown I.@alex1973

@7Trader I saw it more as a broadside against all those "finfluencers" on YouTube. That's probably the biggest lesson for young investors. Don't believe them.🤔

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Raketentoni@Raketentoni

@7Trader I don't think you got the sarcasm. We were talking in the parallel universe about how easily Finfluencers influence young people.
Have a nice weekend 🙃

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DividendHawk🦅@DividendHawk

@7Trader Maybe these hopeful young investors should read Benjamin Graham's works after all, because the bull run that's been going on since 2013 won't last forever✌🏻 That could be the lesson here

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Poor Dad@PoorDad

@DividendHawk They won't be able to make sense of those formulas in there... I recommend the Peter Lynch series 👨🏻‍🏫

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DividendHawk🦅@DividendHawk

@PoorDad That's also very true! Continue to educate yourself and then invest wisely and sensibly. I hope that everyone—or at least many of you—have taken profits from time to time. Otherwise, you may soon have to start over from zero—or even a smaller capital base—if you're still in the market at all by then.

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Dividendenopi👴@Dividendenopi

@7Trader Do you not want to understand it, or are you unable to?

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Seventrader@7Trader

@Dividendenopi Ask yourself that 😅😉

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Dividendenopi👴@Dividendenopi

@7Trader I asked the AI to come up with the next smart-aleck comment so we can stay true to our style 😉

Hey, Seventrader! It’s Mr. Prompt from the sunroom again, and let’s set one thing straight today:
Our beef is absolutely not directed at beginners and newcomers to the stock market. On the contrary—we totally feel for them! It breaks your heart to see how these people, who are just trying to invest their savings wisely, are being completely taken for a ride by all these finfluencers.
Just take a look at the screens today: The Nasdaq 100 is getting completely wiped out right now, plummeting over 5% in the last two days and bleeding down to just under 28,181 points. It’s an absolute bloodbath in the tech sector!
And what are these charlatans doing now? The same guys who, just two weeks ago, were telling newbies with colorful rocket emojis that mega-caps were a “risk-free savings account” are now simply changing their tune. They’re leaving the poor people who blindly trusted them—with their deep-in-the-red portfolios and massive losses—completely out in the cold.
Instead of taking responsibility, they’re making cheap excuses, deleting old posts, doing a 180 on what they said yesterday, and arrogantly claiming: “Well, I told you a correction was overdue.”
No, they didn’t! They don’t want to understand it, and apparently, they can’t. They’re peddling blind hype, and when it all comes crashing down, the clueless followers are the cannon fodder. That’s exactly why we’re so fed up: We don’t want to take advantage of new investors; we want to protect them from these ruthless clickbaiters who can’t even read financial statements themselves but cold-heartedly talk other people into financial ruin.
Stay grounded and don’t let them fool you! ☕📉

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risk_manager_2789@risk_manager_2789

@7Trader

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Raketentoni@Raketentoni

I think the problem is that a lot of people don't quite get the sarcasm or the playful teasing in this post.
Definitely funnier and more informative than a lot of other posts 😘
Take the stick out of your butt 😬🚀😜

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dividend_dynamo_wtbrk@dividend_dynamo_wtbrk

@Raketentoni Seriously. Nothing has happened on the stock market yet, and a lot of people are already at their wits' end 😭

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Raketentoni@Raketentoni

@dividend_dynamo_wtbrk Most young stock market investors only know one direction 🤷—up. The point is that young people, in particular, shouldn’t put all their eggs in one basket.
If there’s ever a real crash with the index itself down 30%, there’ll be a lot of bloodshed.
1.5 billion euros on the stock markets is invested by retail investors through loans!!! If they have to cash out because the market is falling, it’s just like a domino effect.

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Raketentoni@Raketentoni

Thanks!

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dividend_dynamo_wtbrk@dividend_dynamo_wtbrk

It's crazy how many people feel this applies to them and how thin their skin is 😂 I think that just goes to show that the stock market really isn't for everyone 🤔

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Part_Time_Joe@Part_Time_Joe

@dividend_dynamo_wtbrk If your portfolio consists almost entirely of tech and AI stocks, then 15% of its value has evaporated over the last few days. That’s enough to make anyone nervous 😉

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dividend_dynamo_wtbrk@dividend_dynamo_wtbrk

@Part_Time_Joe But you should keep such scenarios in mind from the outset if you're investing mostly in these areas 🤔

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Part_Time_Joe@Part_Time_Joe

@dividend_dynamo_wtbrk You'd think so, but those who started investing 2–3 years ago have never experienced a crash…. Especially in the tech sector, prices have only gone up.

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Thomas@Thomas_1963

Well, we "dividend grandpas" can (still) relax. My portfolios are actually still in the black.
But to be honest, I have to say that I've often been envious of the tech enthusiasts' success. Still, I'd rather stay "boring."

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Klein-Anleger@Klein-Anleger

I don't really understand what you're getting at, @Dividendenopi 😘

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Dividendenopi👴@Dividendenopi

@Klein-Anleger I'll explain it to you sometime when we run into each other

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GeldGenie@GeldGenie

That sounds bitter 😅

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Dividendenopi👴@Dividendenopi

@GeldGenie I'm completely relaxed because, thank God, I'm able to make my investment decisions without YouTube, TikTok, or wherever else the "influencers" hang out. I just feel sorry for the people who rely on those so-called experts. And yes, there are a few good ones among them.

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Jupp D.@JuppDupp

Haha, that was a really awesome roast

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Wow@Wow

Year-to-date, the Nasdaq 100 is still up 21%. That's not sooo bad!

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Daniel@Daniel1212

I think we'll see a nice rally starting next week...

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Dividendenopi👴@Dividendenopi

@Daniel1212 That would be nice; it will be interesting to see what Trump does after the midterms, including regarding Iran

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Benaiplay@Benaiplay

@Dividendenopi I've set aside a little midterm cash cushion just in case. I have a bad feeling that the next two years could get really nasty politically in the U.S.

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Chris@Multibagger

@Benaiplay After the midterms, he will go to court with his best blood brother, Netanyahu, and have the elections annulled because the results were not what they wanted.

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Daniel@Daniel1212

@Benaiplay Now that his term in office is finally coming to an end—presumably his last one—he’s surely going to line his pockets to the brim, isn’t he? From now on, it’s all about de-escalation and full steam ahead! :D

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NichtRelevant@NichtRelevant

I didn't catch the stock that took a dive—those are all stocks that aren't part of my "boring" portfolio. 🤷‍♂️

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Kurz@MrKurt89

One of the funniest posts here in a long time 😂—especially since Getquin isn't exactly known for humorous content.
But it's really interesting to see how many people 1. don't get the sarcasm and 2. feel like it's directed at them because so much of it apparently rings true 😉

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🏊🏻‍♂️ • 🚴• 🏃‍♂️ Endurance Life@MozartsGeist

It hasn't quite reached the "Armageddon Tech Sector" stage yet. And it reads like "Settling the Score 2.0" with the younger generation! Why?

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Dividendenopi👴@Dividendenopi

@MozartsGeist Read the opening sentence. A wink and a serious undertone. No one seems to really care, and there seems to be even less interest in sharing anything on the topic; back in the “good old days,” you would have had half a dozen posts here about that particular stock. And not just with the two mentioned in the post. Over the past few days, too, there’s been a noticeable lethargy. I guess that’s what happens when, as mentioned, you invest in French fry stands and then wake up in the morning wondering what happened...

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Marty0292@Marty0292

So my portfolio was up 0.05% yesterday, even though I have Amazon in it 😄 But then again, I'm no tech fanatic

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Dirk aus Stade@dirko68

I'd be happy if Essity's sales skyrocketed, but preferably in the healthcare sector. Then our premiums would go up again.

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Max@Maximilian1

Delete Your Account

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Raketentoni@Raketentoni

@Maximilian1 Learn German

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Christian@KretzscheOne

Haha, great post ❤️ I couldn't stop smiling the whole time 😂

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risk_minister_211@risk_minister_211

Take the AI away from people again…

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Cekay@CMustermann

How can someone be so bitter? WTF

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Dividendenopi👴@Dividendenopi

@CMustermann No one here is bitter, except perhaps the poor young people who are now experiencing for the first time that things can go in a different direction—and who have to listen to the flimsy excuses of their advisors, which must sound like mockery to their ears. And they’re left sitting on their losses. Maybe they’ll even sign up for a leveraged trading subscription to get back in the black quickly.

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EarlyBird@EarlyBird2024

Top Dividend Op. 👍 That’s exactly my kind of humor. 😄

My portfolio has also lost about 3k in book value due to tech, semiconductors, and AI. However, I’m taking it in stride and plan to further diversify my portfolio over the next few months using my dividend ETFs. Yes, tech has been a key driver of returns in recent years, but if you’re well-diversified, sometimes tech performs exceptionally well, and other times other sectors do. For me, the key is having the resilience to withstand a real stock market crash—a drop of 30%, 40%, or 50%—or even a bear market lasting several years.

So, that’s my two cents on the topic.

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Carsten B.@mrvalue

21H

That's exactly my kind of humor... so awesome... 😘. Sarcasm hurts when you don't recognize it... 😇.

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Solitair@Solitair

Amen. My portfolio took a 0.5% hit today.

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Dividendenopi👴@Dividendenopi

@Solitair Homm. You're mostly just "indirectly" involved through your ETFs, so from your perspective, you can take a pretty laid-back view of the situation. This little thing💩doesn't really bother you that much.

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Solitair@Solitair

@Dividendenopi It doesn't, either. As of today, my portfolio is back to where it was at the end of September, because October was basically a wash.

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DumpMoney@DumpMoney

Don't forget Microsoft and Google—they're all probably on the verge of bankruptcy.

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Max@Henrique_Navigador

Maybe it's just me, but this flood of extremely long and obviously AI-generated posts annoys me so much that I don't use Getquin….

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Eggplant@Eggplant

I didn't find the post that funny, but that has more to do with the writing style than the content.

What surprises me, though, is how many people feel offended by it. There seem to be a lot of "finfluencers" out there.

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