Dear donkey,
A truly "tricky" subject, which can and sometimes "must" be approached in many different ways.
Due to my personal situation, I can even look at this topic from several different angles.
I have 5 children, 3 (24, 22, 21) from my first marriage and 2 (11 and 7) with my (as of Friday) second wife.
My 3 big kids: I had a very expensive divorce for me at the time. Our newly built house wanted to continue to be paid for (voluntarily, as I didn't want to deprive my children and my ex-wife of their home) and maintenance for 3 children is really massive. So with these children, I had to make a decision. Option 1: I save a certain amount of money every month and option 2: I create memories, experiences and adventures...
I opted for option 2. We went on vacation every year, we visited parks, we were on the road, we experienced a lot...
All 3 of us had to learn early on to take responsibility ourselves. If it was an iPhone, then we had to work during the summer vacations, if the pocket money was too little, then advertising leaflets were distributed.
All three have become self-confident, hard-working and happy young adults, without a savings account at 18. If something needs to be done today, Dad is happy to help. A small allowance for the car, a new washing machine or even a bike for the journey to training (they have now all completed their training and have jobs and an apartment).
If I talk to them about money today, everything is okay. There are no "accusations" or anything like that, we are completely at peace.
The little ones: My current (soon to be) wife is also part of this and I/we are now doing really well financially (assets >200k and a secure, slightly above-average income).
We go on vacation three times a year and go on many weekend trips. We want for nothing. Nevertheless, as things stand today, my children will "only" have around 20k at their disposal when they are 18. Yes, it could be 50k or more. But why? We will always be ready in emergencies! But we also want them to create their own assets.
When I see how proud my 22-year-old son is that he bought himself a BMW a few weeks ago, saved up from his education salary, then I know it can't have been entirely wrong. Yes, some of his friends have been given better cars, but none of them have that proud gleam in their eyes when they talk about it.
All in all, I think it's more important to give your kids the best childhood possible, spend time with them and love them unconditionally. But whether they start life with 1k or 100k will not make them happier or unhappier in the long run in my opinion.
A truly "tricky" subject, which can and sometimes "must" be approached in many different ways.
Due to my personal situation, I can even look at this topic from several different angles.
I have 5 children, 3 (24, 22, 21) from my first marriage and 2 (11 and 7) with my (as of Friday) second wife.
My 3 big kids: I had a very expensive divorce for me at the time. Our newly built house wanted to continue to be paid for (voluntarily, as I didn't want to deprive my children and my ex-wife of their home) and maintenance for 3 children is really massive. So with these children, I had to make a decision. Option 1: I save a certain amount of money every month and option 2: I create memories, experiences and adventures...
I opted for option 2. We went on vacation every year, we visited parks, we were on the road, we experienced a lot...
All 3 of us had to learn early on to take responsibility ourselves. If it was an iPhone, then we had to work during the summer vacations, if the pocket money was too little, then advertising leaflets were distributed.
All three have become self-confident, hard-working and happy young adults, without a savings account at 18. If something needs to be done today, Dad is happy to help. A small allowance for the car, a new washing machine or even a bike for the journey to training (they have now all completed their training and have jobs and an apartment).
If I talk to them about money today, everything is okay. There are no "accusations" or anything like that, we are completely at peace.
The little ones: My current (soon to be) wife is also part of this and I/we are now doing really well financially (assets >200k and a secure, slightly above-average income).
We go on vacation three times a year and go on many weekend trips. We want for nothing. Nevertheless, as things stand today, my children will "only" have around 20k at their disposal when they are 18. Yes, it could be 50k or more. But why? We will always be ready in emergencies! But we also want them to create their own assets.
When I see how proud my 22-year-old son is that he bought himself a BMW a few weeks ago, saved up from his education salary, then I know it can't have been entirely wrong. Yes, some of his friends have been given better cars, but none of them have that proud gleam in their eyes when they talk about it.
All in all, I think it's more important to give your kids the best childhood possible, spend time with them and love them unconditionally. But whether they start life with 1k or 100k will not make them happier or unhappier in the long run in my opinion.
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@DerMartin thank you for your open and great words 😍
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2Wk
@DerMartin You seem to have done a lot of things right! Congratulations and have a wonderful wedding!
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•@Epi At least we tried, but there were certainly a lot of mistakes. But there's also a lot of luck involved. It can happen quicker than you can look and then it's really difficult to influence a young person as a parent...
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•2Wk
@DerMartin Nobody is perfect. And as long as the children have become independent, happy adults who look back fondly on their childhood, I think you've achieved everything you could hope for as a parent.
Now enjoy your new life!
Now enjoy your new life!
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@DerMartin 5 children. That's quite a house number. If everyone was this hard-working, Germany wouldn't have a pension problem.
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•@DerMartin short comment on the glow in the eyes. I can see myself there.
I come from a modest background myself. When I needed something, I had to work.
Going to soccer with my mates, going to work first.
Pocket money, country schools, leisure activities...until I got my driver's license and then my first car. Parents couldn't help so we had to do it ourselves.
Tough times, we were 3 siblings, father full-time, mother part-time and still it wasn't enough. Blame the parents? NO, I saw for myself that everything that was possible was made possible.
It took me years to manage that. In the end, I bought a '91 Ford Fiesta for €2000. All with my own money and I knew how long I had to work for it.
Proud as punch and happy without end...
Some of my colleagues were also given annual cars and new cars as gifts. But none of them appreciated what it was worth. The odd snide comment about my "bowl" was also the order of the day. One of the Rich Kids wrecked the year-old car on the first day, and a new Renault Clio was in the yard a short time later.
But: of course that was tough and of course I would have liked it to have been easier. Nevertheless, from today's perspective, it was exactly the right thing to do in the circumstances at the time.
Don't worry, your son already knows exactly how things work in life, he will know how to assert himself and he will have to work hard for his dreams.
And he certainly knows that you will always be there for him when things get tough.
I come from a modest background myself. When I needed something, I had to work.
Going to soccer with my mates, going to work first.
Pocket money, country schools, leisure activities...until I got my driver's license and then my first car. Parents couldn't help so we had to do it ourselves.
Tough times, we were 3 siblings, father full-time, mother part-time and still it wasn't enough. Blame the parents? NO, I saw for myself that everything that was possible was made possible.
It took me years to manage that. In the end, I bought a '91 Ford Fiesta for €2000. All with my own money and I knew how long I had to work for it.
Proud as punch and happy without end...
Some of my colleagues were also given annual cars and new cars as gifts. But none of them appreciated what it was worth. The odd snide comment about my "bowl" was also the order of the day. One of the Rich Kids wrecked the year-old car on the first day, and a new Renault Clio was in the yard a short time later.
But: of course that was tough and of course I would have liked it to have been easier. Nevertheless, from today's perspective, it was exactly the right thing to do in the circumstances at the time.
Don't worry, your son already knows exactly how things work in life, he will know how to assert himself and he will have to work hard for his dreams.
And he certainly knows that you will always be there for him when things get tough.
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