1Année

@DonPromillo that sounds really great with you 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 wish you continued good times and a great relationship

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SP@spellwan

1Année

@DonPromillo I wish you a marriage till death do you part ;)

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Lookas@Lookas

1Année

@DonPromillo I know that too well😅

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He-Man D.@He-Man

1Année

What do you mean, as a man I'm supposed to pay for everything? There are always calls for equality, but the man is allowed to pay for some things because it's romantic 😅👍🏻
Well, in our case, I pay 90% because my wife is on parental leave 🙃👍🏻

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1Année

@He-Man so parental leave is something else 🙈 how else do you do it outside of parental leave?

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He-Man D.@He-Man

1Année

@Esperanza 50:50
Just as it should be 🤷🏼‍♂️

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@He-Man ja OK :/

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Moritz@leveragegrinding

1Année

@He-Man I think equal rights are about equal opportunities and equal rights when it comes to life decisions; women should be able to decide just as much as men whether they want to devote their lives to their family or their job so that they can find fulfillment.

I find money as a starting point for equality just as stupid as most behavioral comparisons; there are many differences in a relationship in terms of equality and that's okay. After all, men and women are not the same. I think abolishing the gentleman just because there should be equal opportunities is ridiculous.

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He-Man D.@He-Man

1Année

@leveragegrinding All clear 👍🏻

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1Année

We don't separate anything. All our income goes into one account and all our costs are deducted from it. We're both very good with money, so there are no arguments. I think when you're married and there are children, there's no yours or mine. It's just us, a family. We do very well with it and are happy.
What's it like for you?

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@Joris That's really great as a family. I'm not married but I also like it here. I might make three accounts later, similar to yours

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1Année

@Esperanza I also have other examples among my acquaintances where the wife has to ask for money when her salary is exhausted and everything from the children goes to her. The wife is notoriously poor and he regularly treats himself to things. Everyone still has their own account. A small amount from the main account goes into it every month, but only €100. We can do anything silly with it 😂 Most of the time we don't need the money at all or it's used to pay for presents 😅 and then it's still somehow coming from yourself.

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1Année

@Joris exactly hahaha that was also my worry otherwise you can't buy presents XD very good with you

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1Année

@Joris aso and you meant the poor woman who had to pay everything for the children. Yes of course your model with a joint account doesn't work for every relationship so I think it's really nice that you've found a financially suitable half. I read it again and it's really nice that you are holding on as a family and are doing well together financially and are happy. I wish you a long and happy relationship 👍🏻

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1Année

@Esperanza thanks ☺️ yes that fits, my wife has also taught me a lot about handling money and now I'm trying to set us up well financially on the capital market. Yes, it's crass with the friend. Of course he always gives money, but first he asks the wife if she can get money or if he can pay something from his account.

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@Joris aww you are such a lovely couple that your wife teaches you about money and that you take it on board and put it into practice, very sweet. And yes the poor wife thing is stupid XD financially failed in the relationship. Must really come from both sides for finance

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1Année

@Esperanza thanks ☺️ Money is usually a contentious issue, but we have that well under control.

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Kevin E.@KevinE

1Année

@Joris I'm basically right there with you. But I also think it's important to clarify things like this early on and not just when the offspring is on the way. Then it won't happen that the guy shirks his (financial) responsibility for the child.

I have to say, just one account for my partner and me (we're getting married this year after 4 years of dating) would probably not be a good idea. We have very different ideas about how we use our money.
We have a joint account into which we pay a proportion of our salary by standing order. We each keep money such as tax refunds, etc. for ourselves. As soon as we have a child, we would of course both increase our contributions due to the increased costs. There is also no question in my mind that I will compensate my partner for the loss of salary (parental leave). She loses more money due to higher fixed costs (cell phone contract, Amazon Prime, riding participation, etc.) than I do (little interest in streaming, hobby running & cycling without running costs). I always pay when we go out to eat (she never has cash). So I think it's basically balanced.
It's possible that in 10 years I'll want an expensive car (which I'm sure she wouldn't agree with). But then I could afford / treat myself to that without having to ask her permission. On the other hand, I don't question how much money she leaves in the stable and on Zalando... 🤷‍♂️

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Malte@Malte123

1Année

We do 50/50 but it doesn't depend on every euro, just the rough ratio.

We usually take turns at restaurants.

I would also find anything other than ~50/50 strange because I grew up with equality.

Besides, as a man you can always be sure that you're not just being exploited for the money;)

When it comes to dating, it's not worth making a scene over a few euros, but if the woman offers to help pay, I really like that.

Some people also like to go on dates because they know that they will be catered for free.
I would recommend finding something casual for the first date, not an expensive restaurant.

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@Malte123 I also think it's good to alternate. Then it's not so embarrassing to separate every penny when paying

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Malte@Malte123

1Année

@Esperanza yes, that's really unnecessary😂

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Tim@TimmaeH04

1Année

We did it this way: we pay a percentage into the joint account and then pay all joint expenses from that. At least until we have children. It's the fairest model for us so far.

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@TimmaeH04 simply the most rational solution here, I can also imagine later as a rough one.

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Tim@TimmaeH04

1Année

@Esperanza Yes, definitely. We did it that way from the start, even though we earned relatively the same amount at the beginning. But since my pay rise last year at the latest, the relationship was simply no longer there. Now I pay a lot more into the joint account (€500), but we also use it to do things together or save up for larger purchases.

You can split rent and utilities 50/50 at the beginning of a relationship when you first move in together. But at some point, it just lives out.

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finance_noob2000@finance_noob2000

1Année

@TimmaeH04 That's exactly how I see it. It's fairer from an individual income and expenditure perspective. I think that's totally OK :)

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1Année

@TimmaeH04 I earn about twice as much as she does and so she pays 2/3 into the joint account and we buy everything from that. We have determined the budget in our (Alman list beforehand). Anything over and above this is then charged to the list on a quarterly basis. This way, I can invite her to dinner or pay 2/3. It works for us because both of us can be independent despite having a child and sharing a household.

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Marco@Marco-VI

1Année

I almost always pay even if she doesn't like it. Sometimes I let her invite me, but as she's still in training and doesn't have much anyway, I don't particularly like it, it wouldn't really be any different afterwards. I don't mind, on the contrary, I really like doing it. I'm frugal, but I never want to be stingy, and I divide everything up nicely at the beginning of the month anyway, I invest what I want to invest and the budget to spend is just as important for a good life. The best moments in life, especially with the right person, cannot be traded.

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@Marco-VI I think that sounds great for you, too

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Schubi@Schubi74

1Année

We don't have separate health insurance funds, so it doesn't matter who pays 🤣

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@Schubi74 gut

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Kalle@Brazzo_Muc

1Année

I find your text very interesting. What you describe as optimal is actually the patriarchy that is being fought at all levels. The man as provider and the woman in her domestic role. If you are someone who washes, irons, cooks etc. then you can make such traditional demands. If you see yourself more as a modern woman, you can't expect a traditional man. That would be another classic double standard.
With my wife it's relatively balanced, she earns the same good money and doesn't depend on me. I usually cover larger expenses (e.g. buying a car etc.)

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@Brazzo_Muc So I wouldn't stay at home because it's not my style to do the shopping, cooking and tidying up every day, it's too monotonous. (And I don't get paid and my work might not even be appreciated) I would rather split the household and go to work too. I just want to see that the man is generous to me because then I know that he loves me. And then I'll also give him a present or invite him out again or buy him something back and forth like that

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1Année

@Brazzo_Muc Many people want this double standard and see no problem with it!

It would be a problem if it were the other way around ;)

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1Année

@Brazzo_Muc I will also never be dependent on a man because it is too dangerous to lose your freedom. If there's something else like violence or cheating or drug addiction, as a woman you have no choice but to stay there because you can't feed yourself

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1Année

@Brazzo_Muc otherwise the division with you with buying a car and not being dependent sounds good

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1Année

@MWS So the other way around, if I earn more, I won't take a man who earns less. Because I live better on my own. At least as well and we fight for a goal together. In my circle of friends, one woman earned more and the man stayed at home. After 12 years they divorced and it wasn't nice for the woman to see. That's why I'll never take a man who doesn't contribute later on

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1Année

@Esperanza Yes, I understand you well!

You don't want to "feed" anyone who earns less.

I feel the same way, only we belong to the opposite sex. Otherwise, it's an exciting parallel!

Ps Your example doesn't usually describe the most common cases. It is usually the man who pays more in the event of a divorce (which is understandable if the woman works at home).

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@MWS The stupid thing in this example is that the man didn't do any care work. He didn't even look after the son and only disturbed him (the woman's mother looked after the son). There was also a cleaning lady and he had high standards and shied away from cleaning ladies. Apart from driving a bit for the family and buying presents with the wife's money, he didn't contribute anything else. And now he wants money from the wife and the wife doesn't want to give it up because she has two children to feed

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1Année

@MWS but the man got a house and a car in Germany but he still wants more so he doesn't finalize the divorce and spent a lot on lawyer for it and has been bothered for years with lawyer letters for probably 4 or 5 years already

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1Année

@Esperanza hmm What can I say?

Getting married comes with financial responsibilities....
.... So it's best not to take any risks and make a legal commitment.

I know a case where she got >20k for 2 years of marriage (without children and without any other care work). Simply because that's what the law says. And the best thing is that she wanted a divorce.

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1Année

@Esperanza exciting. Usually the wife delays the divorce in order to benefit financially.

PS No matter which side this is from, it is simply playing games for money. Therefore, check whether marriage is worthwhile.

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user03@user03

1Année

I'm a student, my girlfriend too, neither of us has a high income, if at all, we just take turns, she pays for our meals, I pay for mine and it's the same when we go out to eat, usually we each pay for our own or we just take turns. And to be honest, as a man, I don't think it's so cool when it's always demanded that the man has to pay, by what right? 😅

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@User03 haha OK maybe things will be different later, you're both not earning much at the moment. I can understand that :) It's good that you are also aware of your situation sagst👍🏻

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Leonard@Osiriz

1Année

My partner is an entrepreneur and earns a bit more than me. Is she now also unromantic towards me because we make 50:50 or do I still have to pay for her because it's only romantic in one direction?

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1Année

@Osiriz OK, lucky for you. But you also keep her alive when she has bad times as an entrepreneur. I also think it's totally OK to have a mix of business employees because you complement each other

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Maki@Starko90

1Année

German halt 🤣

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1Année

Why should the man pay for the woman?

Why should the woman accept money for her time?

Are we still in the realm of feelings and affection or are we talking about services?

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Gehebeltes-EFH@Gehebeltes-EFH

1Année

The main thing is that the woman is healthy and has a job.

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Aktienkoenig@Aktienkoenig

1Année

I look at what mindset the woman has. A woman who screams for equal rights at every turn is allowed to pay half. That doesn't apply in marriage, where I see myself as the provider and want to be able to do everything on my own.

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erT@erT

1Année

As soon as you organize your life together as a family, I find such considerations quite nonsensical. After all, it's not just about money, each part also contributes time, effort and ideas, for example. So: put everything (minus a budget for free and individual disposal) into one pot and budget with it. Of course, this is different at the beginning of a relationship, without children, without (or at least manageable) joint commitments. I'd rather see everyone having their own and everything together being paid for from a common fund. But you don't necessarily have to be stingy with additional small or large comforts 🙂

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ValueWilli@ValueWilli

1Année

Savings rate is consistently deducted every month. A budget is set for the week and we let off steam. Larger purchases are discussed. That's it. There's no jealousy or anyone feeling disadvantaged.

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Neoliberale Aktion@Neoliberale-Aktion

1Année

My partner earns just as much or sometimes even more money than me. Depending on her side business income. That's why we share all joint expenses 50:50, which is what she wants. This usually includes restaurant visits, vacations, etc. Of course, I also invite her out sometimes or pay for a short trip. We also drive all longer distances in my car, which I also pay for in full. But on the whole, we split it between us. Three-account model. And even if one of us earned significantly less, we would split the joint costs 50:50 (as long as everyone works). Because why should my partner pay more rent, so to speak, just because she puts more effort into her job or does more training. I think that's anti-performance. In that case, she should also benefit and have more money at her disposal.

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Spliff@Spliff

1Année

For us it is 60:40, weighted according to income, as I earn more I also pay more.

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Kalle@Brazzo_Muc

1Année

Independence is very important to my wife. I always react a little defensively when I hear the word generous from ladies. I know enough where the motto is "My money is my money and your money is our money".
For me, marriage is a financial and fateful union anyway. Everyone as he or she likes!

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Stevo@Money-Man

1Année

Interesting post. Where does the idea that the man should always pay come from? Probably from all those Hollywood movies that you get brainwashed by at some point. You should ask yourself critically why you attach so much importance to it if that's the case.
You could also say that two adults take care of themselves without being on the other's back. Or that one should pay for the other's time.
But that's no longer a story for Hollywood and is therefore bound to irritate many people.
It's different if you have children and your partner reduces their working hours because of it.
Otherwise, I would be interested to know where this belief comes from or the need to want to benefit financially from the other person ;)

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Eggplant@Eggplant

1Année

Depends on whether the feeling ATM is conveyed.
Some ladies see their money as theirs and the man's too... not sexy
Personally, I like a 3 account model. Joint income/debt and a separate one where everyone gets the same amount deposited. But it's not everyone's cup of tea... but it's practical if you have unequal incomes.
But since this is not an issue at the beginning of a relationship, it probably starts with not being seen as ATM, i.e. every now and then she should also pay a bill... how often depends in my opinion strongly on the salary gap and her attitude. Not every lady likes it when the bill is picked up.
And to be honest, when I'm standing at the checkout with my shopping and she has a drink. That's added to the purchase... it's silly to pay for it separately.

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Stephan K.@StrahlemannLP

1Année

Well, I'm not particularly representative, as women my age run away from me screaming, but when I've had the chance, it was just when getting to know usos that I - the man - paid the bill, because I'm still oldschool in some relationships. That includes paying for dinner.

If it had ever become a bit more than that, I would always advocate a healthy mix. Sometimes one person pays, sometimes the other and of course: everyone has their own separate account and payments are made from a separate account for what you have together. This doesn't stop at the apartment and its rent/rate.

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Bacalhau@Bacalhau

1Année

It's sad that something like this has to be discussed at all.

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Yannik@Yannikz

1Année

We split the whole thing 60/40 for me with the general costs. When it comes to investing, her share is slightly higher, as we earn pretty much the same.
But we both think there's something romantic about the idea of the man paying for food as an example.

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Leon@binggordyn

1Année

We live together, are not married and have no children.
Up to now, we have each had our own income and account. We have a joint account to which we each transfer the same amount for joint costs such as rent, food, etc. We usually take turns in restaurants.
We usually take turns in restaurants. All in all, we share 50/50 and we both think that's the right thing to do 😌
If we ever have children or our incomes differ drastically, we'll split it on a percentage basis, but so far we've been earning more or less the same 😁

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fund_commander_450@fund_commander_450

1Année

I think it's pretty disgusting when a man is called stingy because he wants to do 50:50. Are women also stingy if they don't offer to pay on their own initiative?

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Evcharista 🇨.@Evcharista

1Année

I always adjusted it with my partners according to their income. There was everything from 50/50 to 30/70.
I currently pay more because my partner doesn't have a regular income.
I don't think you can say that across the board. And personally, I've never looked for a Msnn who pays me everything. I have other criteria that are important to me

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Charlyfirpo@Charlyfirpo

1Année

Separate accounts or everyone has their own money and can decide freely. I pay for everything with the condominium and everything for the kids&eat my pearl. Everything is harmonious 💯 %
For my part, I wouldn't say I'm stingy but frugal. 70% savings rate

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